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Philip's Last Resolve

Title: Philip's Last Resolve
Series: Kamen Rider W
Spoilers: Up to 47
Summary: Philip's last solid and somewhat focused thought as he hopes to save his sister and prays that Shoutarou will understand.
Rating: PG to PG-13 for talk of past and future implied death

It was my last request... My first and my last to my partner. Help me save my sister, help me save Wakana-nee-san.

Shoutarou doesn't know how much it hurt... It hurt my chest to even ask it, but I had to. I knew the risks, I knew what the chance was.

I was dying for a third time. I died when I was only 5 years old... I wasn't surprised that I was about to die again. I knew what would happen when we transformed the next time after I had been brought back from Gaia. I knew...

My partner knew soon enough. I had to tell him... I had to tell all three of them.

My body wasn't stable. It was starting to fall apart data fragment by data fragment. My mother had begged that I be saved, but she knew what it meant for me to be saved. Even she knew that one day this would probably happen. There was nothing that could be done.

Gaia Impact was to be my second death – my final death. It should have been my final death. But I was given that third chance because of a clue that my mother left me. Even now, however, I live on borrowed time.

The next time I transform will be my last. That's why I wanted it to be for when we save my sister.

I'm talking to myself now, I ramble in this garage. This place that I have lived and studied all the planet's information... I've been around for nearly two years.

I wonder if he remembers two years ago. Of course he does, it was when he lost Narumi-sensei. It's been two years since I asked that question to him. Two years since he chose to ride with the devil and took me into his life. Two unforgettable years and I wouldn't trade them for the world.

Shoutarou knows I'm grateful to him... I'm grateful for the people he's had me meet. I'm grateful for being able to meet Narumi-sensei. I'm grateful for being brought out into the sun and being able to experience the world. I'm grateful for the fact that he went out of his way to find Mikku for me.

I'm grateful that he gave me a home.

But he doesn't understand that this has to be done. If only to save her... This is my last chance to pay penance for my sins of working to make the memories. I was a devil, but to save a soul – no, to save the world – I would give my own life. It's the only way that I can repent for my own sins.

Saeko-nee-san was right. I was and am nothing more than a thing – a mass of data that should return to the earth. My father, Sonozaki Ryuubei, knew this as well and made me a tool for his final plan even though it backfired and I was brought back. We lost him in the fire... in the ashes of the Sonozaki home and museum.

Now... It's my turn.

I have little time left in this world. There is no time for us to spare in finding my sister.

I don't know if this will ever be heard by the world, I know that Wakana-nee-san can probably hear me. She's probably complaining that I'm thinking to loud, but I don't hear her voice. She's silent, maybe wanting to hear what could be my last solid thoughts.

Shoutarou... Shoutarou, you were the trump card my mother said you were. You conquered everything that my father threw at you. You stood above those who laughed and you proved them wrong. You rode with the devil...

And you survived.

The world is a harsh place to live in. It's not where you live, though. It's how you live, how you spend your life. The end of my second chance of life was worth it. And my third gave me meaning.

As that old phrase from the west goes, when life gives you lemons you make lemonade. That rings true for us. For my partner and I, we were able to get through anything. We took every tough time we had and made something out of it, made the world and our lives just a little bit better.

My partner... I wonder if he can tell that I'm crying. He can tell when Fuuto cries, I'm sure he can tell when I cry. We're two halves of a whole.

A two-in-one detective.

Well... not for much longer it seems. I've accepted my fate. I know what must be done. My heart and mind know it's true. I just pray that Shoutarou realizes it, too...

Sayonara, aibou....

And thank you.


Ryuunosuke Smile

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August 2012